I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
