I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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