finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
