I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
