Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
