when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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