It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
