Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
