So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
