I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
