Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize