I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
