she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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