The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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