He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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