If i come over, it means nothing
okay pat passed out under dana's car
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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