OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
