I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
