This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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