i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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