He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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