Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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