$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
