My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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