I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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