I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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