I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
