I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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