Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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