Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
