I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
