We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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