he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
