i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
