who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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