We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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