just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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