i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
