this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
