Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
