so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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