Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
