i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
