Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
