There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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