when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize