Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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