I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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