Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
