quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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