wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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