addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We had sex on a dog bed..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
