it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bring money and cleavage
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
