I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
