He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
