no you cant smoke seaweed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
