i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
