i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
