i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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