she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
