Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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