Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
They are going to name an STD after you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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