Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my poor anus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
