the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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