Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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