well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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