Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
