Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
