soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
