In the future we'll all be gay
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
