arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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