i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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