wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
People in love make me want to vomit
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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