i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
