why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
