if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
