how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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