just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
