every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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