i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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