Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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