yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
